i secretly like getting assigned seats in school because it takes away that awkward “i have no friends in this class where the fuck am i gonna sit” factor
IM NOT ALONE
I need to reblog this again because this cat’s face
you can see it counting down from ten in its head
"I swear to god… you put your foot on me one more time… One more time!”
so i’ve been experimenting with ways to make the axolotls’ feeding less messy and i found these tiny candleholders that looked perfect but
i put food in one for moony and he keeps biting the sides and going all around it and he can’t figure out that the food is INSIDE
i think he thinks the food is underneath this mysterious new rock HE’S SO FRUSTRATED IT’S THE FUNNIEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN HE KEEPS LOOKING AT ME LIKE WTF IS THIS
UPDATE HE FIGURED IT OUT BLESS HIM
WHAT IS THAT? IT’S SO CUTE.
"A Lesson on Love
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.
“Mother, where do babies come from?”
The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”
The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a child, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.
“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”
“Jewelery, my dear. Jewelery””
A parents sacrifice.
This killed me
How did this not win a fucking Oscar
Fuck the Oscar, how did Jordan Belfort NOT die? OMG.
this is me :D
I will reblog this until the day I die
Rebloggable by request. Sorry if it’s fucked up.
you’re my fav
ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND NOTES.
always reblog for Sgt Mints